Well, obviously I am not pregnant. :) We did a round of In-vitro Fertility and Inter Uterine Insemination and neither took. While our Dr. says that we have unexplained infertility, I have been thinking about adoption a lot. It was one of my thoughts before Landon was conceived through IVF, along with Foster Parenting and Surrogacy. Then we checked the mail one day and in it was our benefit package for the coming year telling us that our insurance that provided fertility benefits was going to be tossed and the other plan they were offering would not have any. We took that as our answer, and we got our son through the miracle of science.
Now it looks like adoption is our answer. I have been having a hard time with not being pregnant each time. Not because of the normal reasons for not getting pregnant, but because I felt so strongly that it was what we were supposed to do. And it didn't work. So I am starting to second guess what I felt. Did I make it up? Did I just decide that was what I wanted? Then I think about how I felt when it happened and how I even fought with those thoughts and feelings for a few months (I mean, who wants to get pregnant that way?!)
I have had a hard time thinking clearly lately (about how to get this next spirit into our family), and that was very frustrating.
We went to LDS Adoption Services to chat with the Adoption Supervisor this Tuesday. I was a little nervous to tell you the truth. When we sat down in the waiting room, they had a book there about the song that was written called "From Gods Arms, to mine to yours" and I didn't cry, but I felt a little tug at my heart.
I didn't really have time to look more, because just then our Adoption Supervisor, Rob, came around the corner to introduce himself.
We went back into his office with Landon, yes he came, and I am so glad that Rob has three children with a current two year old. Instead of trying to keep Landon in our laps, Rob played with him and included him on the family visit. It was so nice not to have to worry about what he was getting into. He even tried to answer the ringing phone. Rob was great, he told Landon that they needed a receptionist for weekends if Landon was interested.
While we were there, I started to realized that my thoughts weren't cloudy anymore. We went over the paperwork, shared a bit about ourselves and Landon and he told us lots of stories about the past babies and placements. It was a good experience.
I started the paperwork yesterday and I am so glad that James had to fill out paperwork for his background check, because it will be so helpful to pull from some of that info. I just filled out a few forms and there are so many more :)
We are waiting for some money to be paid to us from James's employer for some overtime he worked about a year ago that fell through the cracks. Interestingly enough, it will be just enough for the deposit that we give before we can get started. I was thinking about that. We have been trying to get this money for several months and for at least two months, everything has been approved, but no money. James thinks that they are just waiting for the fiscal year before he gets the check.
I was thinking about this as we were on the way home from our visit with Rob. If we had gotten that money, we would have just put it on credit cards and after paying for the two fertility procedures, we wouldn't be able to come up with the deposit.
God has a plan my friends! And I am so glad, even though it is so hard sometimes when you have no idea what it is! When I think about the disappointment of not getting pregnant with the fertility treatments and the money we lost in the process, I realize that if we had not done that, and lost that money, we wouldn't have ended up here. Now we get to experience the miracle having getting a child, not from science, but from humility, love and walking close to the spirit.
I have to say, this is really hard, and we don't have a wealth of money to bring the numerous children into the world for the large family that we wanted. But I am blessed to have to go through these journeys. And now you get to wander the paths with me!
Okay, I know I am about a year behind on updates. Life just zooms by! I will be better. I especially want our birth mother to be able to read this and get an idea of who we are. Well, mostly me but I think I will have James start doing some posts now too. That will be fun! I don't know if you read his version of Landon's birth, but he certainly has a way with storytelling. I need to record him one night when he tells bedtime stories, I could make money on children's books if I wrote them down and did some illustrating.
Okay, stay tuned, a year of stuff coming your way!!!
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