An Answer

Okay, so I know I have ridiculous amounts of updating that I have been neglecting with my oh so many new projects and all that good stuff, but I feel that I need to get this written down so that I don't forget that it happened.
Last Sunday, on the way to church, I knew that we didn't get pregnant last month, and that this week we would have to start our next fertility treatment.  James and I decided to try one last time and then start the adoption process because we don't have any money to throw away on procedures that might not work, but we know that adoption will work for sure.
(I think it is funny how we are not supposed to gamble, but man, trying to get pregnant this time around sure seems like I am in Vegas at the tables!)
Anyways, I was having a hard time accepting it all.  I had just spoken to my cousin the day before and we talked about how many kids we wanted to have and now we are both in our early thirties and if we still wanted that many kids, we would have to take no breaks with pregnancies and have our last ones in our forties.  Bleh, who wants to do that?!
So, with all of this weighing me down (literally), we took our seats in church and I sat there, feeling weighed down (chest so heavy with sadness and frustration) it was hard to breath.  Then the speaker, a mother given the topic of having a happy family and home gave a great talk.  I was listening and then she said, "I felt inspired to say this, so I am going to:  To all those out there that are widowed, divorced with children, cannot have children... "  That got my attention.  She went on to say that basically the only way to fail is to give up.
How many times have we heard that in our lives?  But this time, the chest heaviness lifted and the tears came right as she said it.  So, I am taking that as an answer to my prayers.  I still don't know which way to go, how to accomplish this seemingly impossible feat of getting our family here to earth, but I know I can't give up.
I wish I could say that this makes me feel stronger, more sure, but really I little fragile.  Which is why I thought that I would sit down and type this out.  I don't want to forget that Heavenly Father might not have sent me mail this time in answer to my prayers, but he did send me a sweet sister that listened when she felt inspired to add something to her talk in church.
(And yes, last time, we received mail in answer to our prayers :)