Not this time...

We got the results of the pregnancy test yesterday.  We are not pregnant.  James and I spent most of the day in shock, as we were not expecting this to be the case.  The hormones had even started to make my body change as if I were pregnant to the point of not being able to wear most of my clothes (and making us think we were pregnant and were having twins, since I didn't get this big until the 4th month of first pregnancy). 
I am trying to stay positive and pick myself up as quickly as possible from this disappointment.  Needless to say, I understand the importance of grieving and am trying to make sure that I undergo the process, but also try to stay away from anything negative that can turn the grieving into depression.  I know that we were supposed to do this.  I don't know why we didn't get pregnant, but hey, I am sure Abraham didn't understand why he had to sacrifice his first born either.  I keep hoping that like Abraham, the Dr.'s office calls and says," Ooops!  You are pregnant, we just gave you someone else's results!"
When I thought I was pregnant, my biggest worry seemed to be:  How will I love this baby as much as I already love Landon?  How can your heart be that big???
Well, in not being pregnant, I now know the answer.  A piece of my heart seems to be missing.  The baby we have not yet had brought into our lives already has a place that I didn't know was there.  I hope to meet this child soon, that has had such an impact on my heart already.
Heavenly Father, give me the strength to continue on this journey.  Thank you for sending Landon to our family.  We are so incredibly blessed to have him in our home.  Please bless our home with more children as James and I are so eager to have a large family.  (I wouldn't even mind if they all come at the same time :)