Dreams

Last night I had a dream that we were given a baby.  It was a little girl with dark skin and dark hair.  It was pretty real.  So real in fact, that in the dream, I was racking my brain trying to remember which bins in the attic had the baby items that we would need.  I spent a lot of the time in the dream holding the child and talking to the mother. 
It was so weird because I haven't really thought much about the adoption stuff lately except for how we are going to do it financially.  I keep feeling so frustrated when I try to think about how to do this and then when I look over that part, and actually work on other aspects of the adoption process, I feel an overwhelming emotion and not once have I been able to keep the tears from flowing. 
I have stopped to ponder that I am just crazy or stubborn and maybe Landon will be our only child.  So I took a few days to ponder and search if that was true.  I strongly feel that Landon is not to be our only child in this life. 
I have desperate hopes that maybe it just wasn't the right time yet and that is why none of the fertility procedures took and that we will get pregnant on our own when the time is right.  But I know in my aching heart that this too is not realistic. 
I have no idea how it will come to be, but I know that somehow, and someday, our family will continue to grow.  I look forward to the day that all my children are here with us.  I know I have much to work on with Landon so that I can be a better and more patient mother.  I don't think I have to work on the love part, I am not completely sure that there are many mothers out there that love their children as much as I love him. 
In the dream, once this little girl was placed in my arms, I felt such a strong love and it came instantaneously.  As soon as she was there, just like when Landon was placed in my arms, it was as if they had always been a part of my being. 
Anyways.  That was a powerful dream and I thought that it should be written down.  I am glad that I have written out the other feelings and impressions that I have had through this journey, because the discouragement and distractions are so strong sometimes, that I forget how powerful these thoughts and feelings felt as well.