Adoption Update

So... updates.  The adoption isn't going to happen now.  Not for a long time, maybe not ever.  We got the money for the deposit and went crazy with a ton of the paperwork, doctor appointments, we even got our finger printing done.  We called up the LDS family services office to verify where to mail the check and paperwork and they told us as of March 1st, we are out of their jurisdiction.  We now have to do our home study with another agency before we can go back to them.  Well, one agency quoted us $5,000.00 for the home study.  We had everything dated the 5th of March.  So, I am sad to say that it isn't going to happen now.  I feel weirdly calm about it.  Don't get me wrong, that first day was really hard.  I felt like I was going to explode with all the emotions that I experienced.  I do have a lot less stress on my shoulders now though.  No worrying about the future and being able to enjoy the here and now much more.  I am still sad, but there is a weird detachment to it.  I am not sure if I am at peace, or just have no more fight in me.  It is kind of a nice change though, the last several months have felt like a raw sore that just wouldn't heal.
As for the spiritual inspiration aspect, I am not sure what I feel anymore.  A part of me really hopes that this was an Isaac and Abraham situation.  God was just testing me to see how far I would go, and now we can get pregnant naturally.  I know, it makes me laugh too.  One thing is for sure, I don't know that I will ever trust what I think is inspiration anymore.  I hope this doesn't come across as depressed, I really have no feelings about this anymore, and I have to say, after the months of feeling WAY TOO MUCH, I'll take the numbness.